tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45407421282555668492023-06-20T06:54:20.806-07:00Half-Rice, Full lifemarykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-69742150261332603522012-02-11T01:04:00.000-08:002012-02-11T01:18:54.297-08:00are we there yet?Not writing, for me, is like standing still while the whole world is moving. The truth is, i am constantly creating. picking out lines. hunting for words in poignant moments. anticipating words to obliterate my concious. These days i spend my time between gadgets, in the limbo of work, in coffee shops, imagining conversations, haunted by muses and demons--redundant ghouls.<br /><br />My life in flash fiction: Waiting. waiting. Are we there yet?marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-71627211753088581432011-10-09T12:05:00.000-07:002011-10-09T12:42:41.299-07:00VergingVerging, if its even a word, is what i'm feeling right now. I have just recently gone back to the gym and I'm taking small baby steps in getting back into shape again. Now if only i can be as tentative about taking huge bites out of my all-you-can-eat tempura hahahaha.<br /><br />Seriously, i find that this word is appropriate also for my current realities. I have not written anything for so long it's ridiculous. I consider myself a reflexive writer so it would seem, even if only to me, that i must have been brain dead for the last couple of years. But now all of a sudden, my blood is ablaze for the written word and my poor fingers are dented from trying to catch up. I've recently joined the land of the living through twitter and thus far, i am a minnow in an ocean full of sharks. What can i say, brevity has never been one of my strong suits.<br /><br />The word is also gaining some speed on the career front. The proverbial 7-year itch has come a-knocking and i find myself inventing the greener grass on the other side.<br />Ironically, the same can also be said of this very post, as yes, it has really been 2 years since i even thought of this blog.<br /><br />So here we are, verging...emerging...converging...as if my old perspective picked itself up, dusted off the grime of my self-imposed coma and decided to take me for a walk.marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-90745220723625913782009-08-10T19:08:00.000-07:002009-08-10T22:19:27.776-07:00Eating my word<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hokie</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">dokie</span>, so its been over a month since my last post and honestly, I thought there would never be any other. See, I have this little issue called discipline, self-discipline that is, and that is to say, i don't have it, hence the issue.<br /><br />The first week that i went on my half-rice quest was the hungriest week EVER of my year. It was also the busiest of the month as my boss came down from India and commenced to, as bosses are wont to do and for no apparent reason, breathe down my neck non-stop for three weeks.<br /><br />As I have the strong propensity to eat when under fire, the cravings began to set in. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Oooh</span> little things like the Nestle drumstick (why do they call it a drumstick?), double cappuccinos, Cream-O Premiums (redundancy of chocolate), Royal <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tru</span>-Orange, yummy cheesecake and the occasional burger, pizza and beer because I thought I deserved it. It wasn't as bad at first because at least i was still running but frustration went on an all time high when, after that first week of neglect, i stepped on the scales and it showed that I had gained 1.6 lbs. My brain went on the metaphysical equivalent of spinning around the room. 1.6 pounds, really? I had gained. 1.1 lbs more than i intended to lose that first week. I was now 145.1 lbs. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Nnnnnooooooooo</span>!<br /><br />What happened next was inevitable...i went shopping. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Zipzip</span> went my credit card (and my husbands--so sorry, John) and splat went my self-esteem. all throughout the weeks that followed I saw both my expense account and my weight slowly (but oh so surely) go in the red. Rice, cups of it, pots and pans of it, was again back on the menu, so was pasta (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">lotsa</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">lotsa</span> pasta) and the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">unavoidable</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">ooey</span>-gooey new york cheesecake that i worship.<br /><br />Grace finally came in two bouts. One, I had not seemed to lose my interest in running. Quite the opposite actually; it was further intensified after having almost literally run into <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Cattski</span>, an old friend, in I.T. Park and whom I have been running regularly with since. The unwavering interest in running had slowly been fanned to a passion by my just as unwavering best friend <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Haide's</span> support and encouragement. In the month of July, I had finished two marathons operating mostly on inspiration and friendship.<br /><br />The second boon came in the person of Xenia Marti, a petite, soft-spoken, elegantly-mannered lady who power lifts on her free time. It might have been on one of our coffee breaks or late night "lunches" when, probably tired of hearing my incessant complaints on how my weight is still the same despite my hardships and sacrifice, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">XMarti</span> calmly remarked that although my weight has stayed the same my body has not. Then she proceeded to reintroduce me to the concept of fat turning to muscle. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">Aaaaahhhh</span> Eureka! Of course! It was like a perforated sky had opened up before me. And just like that, i pushed away the remainder of the meal that i had managed not to wolf down and said, check please!<br /><br />Truth be told, i have not been asking for half cups of rice to go with my meals. Truth be told, i have not been measuring at all. My philosophy, if i ever had one, is to eat when I'm hungry. But with the addition of one word, my total outlook towards food (and yes, yes life too) has been somewhat altered. That word is moderation.<br /><br />Moderation. I have decided that this small, humble word will be my word for the rest of the year--the word out on my street. My wish word and word of discipline. Moderation will be my appetizer, entree and dessert and yes, my beloved brunch. I figure, with moderation, i can have anything I want out of life, love and all of this good earths gastronomic delights only in less embarrassing proportions.marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-17167301079751318492009-07-07T06:58:00.000-07:002009-07-07T08:38:15.269-07:004 pounds; Big Deal!<span style="font-family:arial;">MONDAY:</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">breakfast at 11am (store-bought)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:arial;">decaf coffee</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">3 skyflakes crackers (garlic flavor--love those little buggers)</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">calamansi juice</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">and lotsa lotsa water</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I spied a digital weighing scale in a neighboring work station and happily skipped my way over and hopped onto the darn thing. Five seconds, and then, GASP! Heart in throat. Oh freak! The numbers on the screen boldly read 148 lbs. taunting me, daring me to gainsay it. What? So the coffee and the juice had sugar and the traitorous crackers had probably turned to sugar as well in the relaxing environs of my metabolism...but 4 pounds, this was madness! If this is what breakfast can do to me then my lunch will be absolutely devastating.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">lunch at 2pm (home-made)</span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:arial;">half a cup of rice (whooppeedoo!)</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">1 mediu...average-sized...ok, fine large-ish chicken cordon bleu </span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">decided to skip the lemon-butter sauce as was really worried about the 4 lbs from breakfast</span></li><li><span style="font-family:arial;">agua, baby</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">i knew i shouldn't but i found myself wandering back to the digital weighing scale a half an hour later. This time the scale read 148.2 lbs. Huh? How could this be. My uneventful, lackluster breakfast was worth 4 lbs. while the lunch that I'd been looking forward to all weekend was a measly .2 lbs.? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Oh i get it, the damn thing is broken or at least in need of calibration. whew! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Dinner at 6pm (resto across office)</span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:arial;">half a chef salad with dried out grilled chicken bits and some gunky dressing that i suspected to be a truckload of mayo and mustard</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Arial;">H2O</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:arial;">I had told my friend Joyce about weighing myself about 68 times that day and she said she wanted to weigh herself too. I led her to the offending equipment and watched her face fall (Joyce is VERY VERY weight conscious). "I gained 4 lbs?" she said in a soft, disbelieving voice. "I was 112 lbs. this morning now I'm a hundred sixteen?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Haha, i was right! " That thing is off by 4 lbs." I said.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">"Oh it is?" a guy named Mike piped in. "i was wondering about that, i thought I'd gained weight."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Thirty minutes later, another guy gets on the by-now-much-maligned-machine... i waited for it and was aptly rewarded... "Hah?!? Na-nambok ko? (i gained weight?)" </span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">and this is just Monday....</span></p>marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-71722031336353262112009-07-04T23:12:00.000-07:002009-07-05T08:34:15.239-07:00Half-rice, please...<span style="font-family:arial;">Ultimately, and as i have come to realize, if I am to lose 30 pounds in the next 5 months and a half, i am going to have to do some major changes in the way i eat. At this point, I laugh my crazy little head off. Watching what we eat is unheard of where I'm from. My family is best known for three things, two out of those three are cooking and eating what we cook. The last one, well, is fierceness--the bolo-brandishing kind that we all inherited from my Lola--but then again, that's for a different story.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Needless to say, dieting, for someone like me is a herculean task and one, i am sure, will be challenged on a daily basis. On the other hand, A little over 6 years ago, I lost 25 lbs. and hit my ideal weight of 105 . Of course i had also lost my job too, my only source of income, and therefore, had to adjust my lifestyle (i.e. no more eating at fancy restaurants) drastically. On top of that I had nothing else to do but finish off my gym membership. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Outside of being unemployed, that was probably the healthiest year of my life (mentally, physically, yada yada). I would run in the morning and go to the gym in the afternoon. I was eating more fish and vegetables simply because meat was expensive. But the clincher, i believe, was the rice. I wasn't consciously trying to eat less rice as much as I was consciously trying to extend the reach of my finances. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So, for this crusade, i figured that's where i would start. Cut the carbs and take it from there. Considering that i have about 5 months to do this, i would need to lose 1.5 lbs a week to hit my mark. I don't know if that's healthy or safe but it seems like a number I can live with. And how am i going to do this, pray tell? By practicing these words: "Half-rice please..."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Big effing deal, right?! But when you're Filipino, that's like saying "keep the change". It doesn't leave our mouths without catching in our throats like a wishbone. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So here we go; first week of pact-with-devil-type mission. Destination, 1.5 lbs lighter by way of half-rice. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Let's hope i can get those words out without choking on them first.</span>marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4540742128255566849.post-3721396514893608012009-07-03T19:56:00.000-07:002009-07-04T08:55:00.590-07:00Because I said I would<span style="font-family:arial;">As i embark on this precarious journey, a conversation i had with a former teacher comes to mind. We were at the pantry of our office bemoaning the fate of the written word and how it has been handed over to the maladroit hands of bloggers the world over. Afterwhich, therefore, we collectively (us and our evil multiples) decided that we would never succumb. "Why would we want everybody to know what we are doing?" We pondered.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">And right there is precisely the reason why i am writing a blog--because i want the whole world to know that i am sick of being the "chubby" sister, Ms. oh-but-she's-got-a-great-personality, and having to tell myself over and over that "it's the inside that counts...". But before we call Oprah, i also have practical, albeit vain reasons; because there's a thin girl inside me that's just dying to wear a bikini or at least look good in short shorts and most of all, because shopping for clothes for big women is commercial- grade torture.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So, i made a proverbial-pact-with-the-devil type of promise with my best friend; I, who have been er, overweight for much too long, was to write about my long perilous trek down losersville and i was going to make it public to make it real. While she, who had recently gone rabid about running, was going to tell the whole world about it too.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Because I said I would, and because i have run out of excuses for being fat, here I am! I am going to (try and ) lose weight and come clean about it in public (whether or not i do or don't). Yes, it's a sneaky way to motivate myself but its's also a good excercise on personal accountability, which I would like to think, that I am big on (among other things, and yes, the pun was intended). </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">To end this, let me start with some vital info that this neo-blogger will endeavor to sink her teeth into while on this mission, while on this blog:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>ideal weight:</strong> 105-110 lbs </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>current weight:</strong> 144 lbs (shame shame shame)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>weight lost so far:</strong> 6 pounds since May 4, 2009</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>body type:</strong> big boobs, non-existent hips and saggy bottom</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>metabolism:</strong> fast as molasses</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>known physical activities:</strong> running at least 3 times a week (if it doesnt rain or if i'm </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">not bogged down by meetings)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">walking 15 steps to the office pantry at least 5 times a day</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">walking to the ATM across my office building (approx. 70 </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">steps) twice a week</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>diet:</strong> 3 square meals a day (with rice)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">coffee once a day, decaf</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">the ocassional snack</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">and the occasional ice cream cone every 3-5 days </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>bad habits:</strong> mini pizzas and garlic sticks</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>best weight-gain excuse:</strong> my husband eats like a construction worker</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>worst weight-gain excuse:</strong> it's not me it's the pill</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>food weaknesses:</strong> pasta and cheesecake</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong>challenges:</strong> repulsed by oatmeal and most cereals, feels ridiculous doing </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">tae-bo or hip-hop </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">abs (or whatever the current areobic </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">excercise is), fear </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">of being mugged while jogging or running, </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">have no idea how to count </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">calories, don't know how to swim, </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">can't dance, loves to eat </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">and adores </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">restaurants</span>marykicksasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03031430197848796266noreply@blogger.com4